Tag Archives: the twin

Somewhere

between [Named] Street and [my Numbered] Street, and with my head in the pages of a book about a sham marriage (gay man married an emotionally unstable lady) titled [what stars do], a few things tried to sort themselves out in my head. And sort them out in the context of the book because Omitted purchased the book for me when our affections still [what stars do, past tense] brilliantly. Thought to be continued.

The interview went well! Something for the positive bin. I meet with someone else at the omitted and the person who I interviewed with comes up with a salary package this coming week. The latter she brought up leaving my current job and also told me I get paid like an intern. I don’t know what that all means, but I hope it means something good. Really, I’m just trying to beat the wage one of my part-time bosses pays me. I have never developed the ability to be (greedy?) when it comes to money. I guess it never came up. I called my father once the (2 hour) interview was over and spoke with him, my mother, the twin and the latter’s lover. The latter he spoke with me about negotiating whatever salary they offer. I was so droopy-eyed at the interview. After all this time, I barely know how to act excited about all the positive stuff in my life. All the shit re Omitted just swoops in like a thick fog dotted in hazards. Hazards that, once the fog lifts, tick on.

I want all those good moments with Omitted front and center for both of us. I want all the good of one of my favorite author’s Good Times to really win out. When I hear my imagination of Omitted’s voice hint I’ve omitted omitted you, what I want–

I want to pass out because I’m so tired from struggling to sleep under Delta’s blue lights and wake up in the city I quit to Omitted’s footsteps coming home from–

I want to support Omitted’s happiness but I need mine considered too. I don’t want to believe the twin when the twin tells me I’ve given Omitted too much credit.

Nervously

shaking the leg that’s attached to the foot, that’s perched on the c. 1901 wood floor, that’s supporting said leg and the other. I’ve prepared for the 11am interview as best I can–now all I have to do is stay awake until then. In about an hour and a half: send off 2017 email to Omitted (that I prepared an hour ago; tone veers tense, and rightfully so). Two hours ago: arrived from that city, where I spent the past two weeks glued to the slopes and off the screens and avoiding all work emails, especially the ones from the omitted who’s an asshat, who convinced my favorite person at work to leave, who may have also convinced me.

I am nervous for the interview, but confident that I’m (at least) within the top 3 on the list of ideal hires. I won’t look awake enough and this will work to my disadvantage. I’ll wear what I have worn to the interviews that have landed me jobs: a black shirt, a black sweater, black slacks, a colored pair of socks (tough shit if the color’s not their jam), a pair of shoes I like (that bring me closer to my ideal height, that are leather, laced and flat).

I spent the past week incredibly angry at Omitted (same instance as above). I shouldn’t be sending the email. I shouldn’t be acknowledging Omitted considering what Omitted’s been putting me through and what Omitted will put me through in 2017. I need the universe to toss me a loophole around this one, or a black hole and a little force. My sister tells me to plan for the worst, meanwhile I’ve only planned for what’s just a little worse than whatever’s transpired over the past few months. I told her that if it happens the way I think it might, that I’d tell everyone Omitted omitted, that I’d write a book about all the different ways he omitted as a way to keep track of the trajectory of the lie (that he omitted). I don’t know what I’m allowed to do and what I’m allowed to feel. My sister tells me I’ve assigned Omitted too much credit. I hesitate to believe her. I want to pretend the universe has something else in mind for us. I want to think Time has something else in store for us.

In around an hour: send the email. In around and hour and a half: leave for the interview.